The Cost of Having Children April 7, 2019

Every once in a while I come across an article talking about the cost of having children. Many posts try to advise you on ways to save.

Get clothes second-hand!

Use cloth diapers!

Don’t buy many toys! Just give them a cardboard box to play with!

I get it. We try to save on lots of kid expenses, too.

We’re fortunate to have very generous family and friends who love spoiling the kids with lots of new clothes, books, and toys. And especially with our second kid, we’ve gotten lots of hand me downs from his older cousin. We go to the library a lot, too, to find new books to read.

But when it comes to having kids, there are so many other costs to consider.

I’ve discussed before how we’ve decided to send our kids to daycare full-time while my husband and I both work. Overall, we still come out ahead, but this year alone we’ll be spending over $45k for our two kids to be in daycare. We’re lucky that we both have well-paying jobs that make this the more obvious choice for us. So many parents have a much harder time coming to a decision of how they’ll deal with child care, if they find the cost of childcare too overwhelming. Stay at home parent? Alternating shifts so someone is always home with the kids? Having grandparent or other relatives help out? A combination of every option?

On top of that, let’s add medical costs: Add in the costs of labor and delivery (and prenatal care that may not be part of your health insurance plans) plus the kid’s medical needs and health insurance premiums.

You’ve got to keep them fed! Starting out with formula and/or breastfeeding (which is only “free” if you consider the nursing/pumping mother’s time to be worthless) then healthy foods as the kids get older. (Though luckily there are programs like SNAP and WIC for lower-income folks to at least help keep them fed).

Some people can still live in the same place that they did before they have kids, but many families find they need to move after having kids, either due to lack of room, to be in a safer neighborhood or better school district, or need to be closer to work/daycare to make sure they’re spending less time commuting and more time with their kids.

And even if you get hand me down or second-hand items for clothes, books, toys, furniture, etc. you still will need to buy some items new: car seats and other safety gear are not something to take a chance on used. It’s possible the car seat has been recalled, and even if it hasn’t been, car seats have a finite life due to degradation of the plastic and other components over time.

Last year, I sparked quite an interesting conversation with this tweet:

I’m very curious to hear from women whose careers were not negatively impacted by having kids. Every article and personal story I hear says there’s at least some hit to their careers even if they go back soon after kids are born.

— Stephanie (@StephTheBlogger) October 23, 2018

I got so many responses, some sharing that their careers shifted significantly after kids, some for better, some for worse. Others said having kids had no impact on their careers. Alyssa at Mixed Up Money wrote a whole blog post inspired by my question.

And then Bridget chimed in with her own experience, and I felt that her response aligned closely with what I wanted to say. While she is a single mom and I’m married, we still had similar experiences of having to opt out of longer hours, business trips, networking opportunities, etc just because it’s so hard to navigate the childcare situation (and the utter exhaustion of parenting). While I’m able to trade-off on daycare drop offs and pickups, it’s more difficult when my husband has his own business trips and meetings to attend as well.

So, add to this discussion the idea of opportunity cost: are you working less, missing out on potential promotions and career paths due to having kids? You may be completely fine with this, but it’s something else to consider.  Right now, I’m working part-time with flexible hours, which really helps with my work life balance, but also means I can’t always get as much done as my colleagues can.  And I took 12 weeks of partially paid maternity leave for both babies.  So overall this means less time at work, less money earned, and potentially fewer growth opportunities.

I’m not trying to be negative about all this, or try to convince anyone not to have kids. I absolutely adore my kids, and all of these “costs” are totally worth it for me. If people want to have kids, they should!

But I get tired of people claiming that kids are cheap because they don’t buy a lot of “stuff” for them. Or fail to include the costs of childcare (or dropping out of the workforce to care for the kids full-time). And like I talked about in my latte factor post, the big expenses like healthcare and housing are still unavoidable and going up.

Kids are only inexpensive if you don’t include all of the expensive things.

I realize how much of my observations may come from a place of privilege: we make good money so daycare (even at high prices) makes obvious sense. And some families have no choice but to make certain difficult decisions about kids, childcare, housing, and other things because they don’t have the financial wiggle room that we do.  And I know people have found so many creative ways to make it work, and I’m glad that they have.  But it’s not always easy.

Also, my observations are based on the United States, where certain policies (or lack thereof) for (paid) parental leave, healthcare, and childcare have a big impact compared to other countries with a much more comprehensive safety net.

Society needs people to have kids.  They’re our future teachers, healthcare workers, mechanics, leaders, scientists, cooks, and cleaners. And our future taxpayers. Hopefully some reforms will come that make having kids less of a financial burden for so many people.

How have having kids impacted you financially?  What changes have you made to make it all work?

Welcoming Baby Number Two! May 25, 2018

As I mentioned in some previous posts, we were expecting our second child at the end of May/beginning of June (estimated due date of June 3rd). Well, apparently our little boy had alternate plans, as my water broke very early in the morning during the 37th week of my pregnancy.  We had only partially packed our hospital bags when we had to rush to the hospital!

So now we’re a family of 4!

It’s definitely been tricky getting used to navigating the needs of our toddler daughter with our newborn son, while also making sure I’m taking the time to recover!

Luckily we’ve got some help: a really good friend of ours was able to come to the hospital to watch our daughter when I went into labor, then my mother-in-law came to watch our daughter during my recovery at the hospital. And now my parents are up to help out for a week. And my husband was able to save up a lot of PTO so he will still stay home with the baby and me for a month before he has to go back to work.

I’ll be taking the 12 weeks allowed for me from FMLA, with some portion of it paid.  Then I’ll be heading back to work, with both kids going to daycare.

I still plan on breastfeeding (and later pumping/breastfeeding) this baby like I did with his big sister, but we’ll see how it goes.

We didn’t bother with cloth diapers this time around. We tried it last time, it definitely cut down on our trash output, but was not a long term solution for us.  We’re currently using up the stash of newborn diapers that the hospital gave us, as well as the extras my sister gave us after her baby outgrew the newborn size.  Our toddler is still in diapers, so we are dealing with quite a lot of diapers these days!

I’m going to try to find balance in maternity leave.  There’s some things we need to take care of, but for the most part, especially early on, I need to focus on recovery and, of course, caring for and bonding with my new baby

I was going to write a blog post about how to help out new parents (and I still might) but for now I’d recommend the YouTube video from Bridget (from Money after Graduation).  Parents of new babies definitely appreciate the help! Just be prepared to show up to a messy home and offer up some help and/or food!

Back to resting up and nursing!

What you need (and don’t need) in your hospital bag April 25, 2018

I’ve been thinking about packing up my hospital bag for baby #2 and thought I’d share what we packed last time (and plan on packing this time).

One thing I kept looking for advice on last time was what to pack for my hospital bag.  I saw plenty of blog posts, articles, and even a youtube video about what to pack, but I still wasn’t quite sure what I really needed.

I’m not an expert in packing for a trip to the hospital (we’ve only done this childbirth thing once) but I thought I’d review what we needed (and didn’t need) to bring to the hospital.

Mother-To-Be:

• Sleeping mask:  A friend recommended this for me, and I’ve made sure to recommend it to every mother-to-be.  Both before and after you have the baby, there are going to be times you want to sleep when the hospital room is not going to be dim enough.
• Hairclips/hairties/hairbands: For keeping your hair out of your face before, during, and after labor.
• Tech: pack your various phones/chargers/etc.  If your support person isn’t packing the camera/charger, then you pack it, then make sure he/she has it.
• Toiletries:  Keeping in mind that you may be restricted to your bed for some time and/or you wont be at the hospital for very long (depending on your situation), you don’t need much when it comes to toiletries.  I packed my usual “weekend trip” supplies:  toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, body wash/soap, deodorant (all travel size).  Because I had a c-section, I was at the hospital recovering for 4 days, so I was actually ready to take a shower after a day or so.  But I’m pretty sure I wasn’t doing much on the personal hygiene front for the first day… I’d also check with your doctor if there are medications you take daily on whether you should bring those along or not (in case they don’t want you taking medication at certain parts of labor/delivery/recovery).
• Going home clothes (optional):  If you’re planning on taking a photo of yourself leaving the hospital, you might want to pack something nice.  But I just went home in the clothes that I went to the hospital in, since they were still relatively clean.  But I guess if your water breaks while you’re wearing those clothes on the way in, you wont want to wear them, so pack an extra pair of your comfiest maternity pants.  Or a loose maternity dress.  Basically dress like you’re still pregnant (because you’ll still have a belly and you will probably be in some pain and not want anything restricting). Underwear-wise you might be leaving in the “special” ones the hospital gives you. Bring a nursing bra if you have one.
• Reading materials (kindle/book/magazine):  Depending on your situation, you may want to bring reading materials (if your labor is slow) but I don’t think I ended up packing anything extra.  I had my phone, so I could read stuff on there if I needed it.
• Stress balls/tennis balls/other labor “aids”:  When we went to a childbirth class, they suggested a few items to bring along to help you deal with your aches and pains in early labor.  The tennis ball was meant to rub on your aches, and the stress ball was good to squeeze during contractions (if you didn’t want to break your support person’s hand!)
• Other items to make you feel comfortable: lip balm (if it’s too dry), extra socks (my feet were FREEZING during early labor).

Support person (spouse/partner/parent/friend/etc.)

• Snacks.  Yes, I’m a big proponent of snacks at all times, but this will be key.  You may or may not be allowed to eat, but your support people will be able to.  And depending on when you deliver, the hospital kitchen/cafeteria may or may not be open.
• Clothes:  pack what you’d usually bring for a night or two away:  PJs, change of clothes, underwear, socks, etc.  Also slippers or slipper socks.  Pack a few extra pairs of underwear/socks in case you end up having to stay at the hospital longer than expected (and are unable to make it back home)
• Toiletries:  Again, pack what you’d usually bring for a brief visit away.  Toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, razor, medications, etc.
• Tech:  Pack your camera (fully charged), charger, and any other tech you want to bring, keeping in mind you may or may not have time/energy to use your laptop/kindle/iPad.  Include your phone charger and phone!

Baby:

• “Going Home” clothes:  while your hospital should provide clothes for your baby to wear while in the hospital, many won’t let you take home the clothes or other linens (blankets, hats, etc.).  Plus, you probably want to take some photos in one of the outfits you brought!  So you’ll have to provide your own:  at least a onesie or two (in various sizes, if possible, so you can accomodate whatever size your baby is) and especially depending on weather, a hat and blanket.  Our pediatrician recommended baby wears an extra layer over whatever we’re wearing.
• Car Seat:  If you’re driving the baby home, you will have to have a car seat.  I’m almost certain they won’t let you leave the hospital without a car seat.  Plus they’ll check it for you to make sure your baby’s secure.  Our nurse even walked us to the car to help us put the seat in.

One thing I’d recommend is that you get a tour of the hospital you plan on delivering at.  It will help you get an idea for what to expect when you show up to deliver, including getting familiar with the various monitoring equipment and other hospital technology you might not know about.  Plus you can ask questions about what they will and wont provide.  I was glad they had slipper socks to keep my feet warm and keep me from slipping around on the hospital floor.  Some hospitals will have toiletries, and they should have all the “post labor” special toiletries that moms will need (i.e. special underwear, pads, breast pads, etc.).  They should also provide all the diapers/wipes/ointments your baby might need for those first few days  (and don’t be afraid to take whatever items they give you!  We left the hospital with at least a package of diapers for the baby and plenty of stuff that I needed, too).

Things I didn’t need, even though it was recommended by various websites:

• Makeup: Just. No.  Sure, you might feel like you look like crap after you have the baby.  You probably do.  I know I did.  But I rarely wear makeup as it is, and I wasn’t about to start just to have fancy pictures.  We all look like that after giving birth.  EMBRACE IT.
• Nice pajamas:  Another no.  I wore the hospital gowns the entire time.  It provides the best access for doctors and nurses, can easily be removed, and can just be replaced by another one if/when your current one gets covered in blood, poop, pee, breastmilk, vomit, spitup, etc.  I’ll admit, I did bring a scrubby old robe that I did end up using after a day or two.  Like I mentioned, I was in the hospital recovering for 4 days, so I lounged around in the robe for a bit.

An interesting note:  Talking to my Canadian friends, hospital amenities are very different.  Since you’re getting “free” healthcare, they don’t tend to provide many of the extras. So definitely find out ahead of time what they will (and won’t) provide.

Anything else you found you needed or didn’t need in your hospital bag? Share your advice/experiences in the comments!

The childcare decision revisited March 9, 2018

When we had our first child, it was pretty obvious that we’d both keep working.  I took the full 12 weeks of maternity leave allowed through FMLA, then headed back to work.  As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I came back to work part-time, with a flexible schedule that allowed me to work however much I could each week as long as I worked a minimum number of hours.  This definitely helped with my transition back to work, especially when I was still breastfeeding/pumping, and even now when trying to juggle the life of a working mom along with sharing the daycare pickup/dropoff responsibilities with my husband (especially when he has a business trip and I have to do both dropoff and pickup!)

We found our daycare with help from my Employee Assistance Program, who helped narrow down choices to nearby options that had openings.  The daycare center is very conveniently located relative to both our jobs, and we’re really happy with the care and education she’s gotten so far.  And she’s happy, too!

Of course, the one thing we’re less happy about?  The cost.  Daycare is EXPENSIVE.  And I know this cost often weighs on people when making the decision:  should a parent stay home?

As I mentioned in my last post, we’re expecting again (due late May/early June) and so the discussion came up again.  Should one of us stay home?  Or should we keep paying for childcare, now for two kids?

I have plenty of friends who have chosen to be stay at home parents, for both financial and personal reasons.  They’re awesome people, and I think they made the right choice for their family.

But for us, for now, we will follow the theory that childcare is an investment.  A quick calculation shows that childcare for two at our current daycare is about 25% of our combined full-time salaries (gross pay).  Of course, after taxes and healthcare, and acknowledging that I’m only currently working around 75% of full time (so I only get paid around 75% of my salary) the percentage of take-home pay (net pay) creeps much higher.  And of course, this year, with me going on maternity leave (which is not all paid, and when paid, is not at 100% pay), and probably dropping my hours back down a bit to accommodate my pumping schedule, we will probably be spending quite a lot of our income on childcare.

But we both see good futures in our jobs, and know that leaving the workforce entirely, even for a few years, could have significant impacts on our careers.  Being away from our careers for an extended amount of time will make it harder to “get back in”, if we haven’t been in the industry for a few years.  And once the kids are in school, we’d want to be back at work, anyway.  And as this great article points out, there’s more than just the lost wages when leaving a job for a few years.  You miss out on 401k contributions (yours and your employer’s, and any of the growth from those contributions), some of your potential social security benefits, and all the raises you would have gotten.  And, with our other big expense (mortgage) it also makes more sense to have two salaries, even if one (mine) is less for a little while from maternity leave and reduced hours (as mentioned above).

On top of all the financial reasons, it’s also a personal reason.  If I’m being honest, I don’t think staying home with my kid(s) is the best choice for any of us (parents or kids).  I’ve seen how exhausted I can get from just a single day taking care of my daughter (on a day she’s sick, or daycare is closed, or my husband is gone for a weekend day for work) and I can’t imagine being able to do this every single day, especially now with an infant set to enter our lives in less than 3 months.  And my daughter benefits greatly from being among her peers, and learning every day from people who are actually trained educators.  She gets variety every day in fun (and educational) indoor and outdoor activities.  I don’t think I could offer that level of education and fun every single day!

Yes, my husband could be the one to stay home instead, as he somehow manages to survive the day better than me when he’s home alone with our daughter all day, but as mentioned above, we see other benefits to having our children attend daycare.

And of course, we could seek out a less expensive option.  Either a nanny or finding a cheaper daycare center.  But most centers around here are around the same price, but less convenient to get to which means it would still mean less time one of us could spend at work to take care of pickup/dropoff on time (which at least for me, means less pay, so that defeats the purpose of finding a slightly cheaper location).

I know everyone’s situation is different, and I wouldn’t dare judge people on whatever decision they made for childcare.  I just wanted to share how we came to the decision to continue with daycare.

I’d love to hear from you on your childcare/work situation, and how you came to that decision!

 

 

 

Fun STEM-themed clothes from Svaha USA August 8, 2017

[Disclosure:  Svaha USA sent me two items for free to try in exchange for a review.  All opinions are my own!  Also, they have a referral program, where I get $15 off a future purchase and you get 20% off of $50+ purchase if you go through my referral link.  (This link is the only time I use the referral link, every other link in this post is just a regular link.)  Also you can sign up for the referral program too to earn points for yourself!  Check the bottom right corner of their website to join Svaha Rewards.]

I first heard about Svaha USA when I read an article (I think it was this one) about new clothing companies trying to break gender stereotypes, including selling fun STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) clothes for women and girls.  They were one of the new companies that grew out of a desire to provide science-related clothes for women and girls.

Anyway, after I followed them and a few of the other companies from that article on twitter, the folks at @SvahaUSA sent me a twitter message asking if I’d like to do a review. Of course I said yes!

So, here’s me modeling the Caffeine Molecule Infinity Scarf.  I like it for a bunch of reasons:  It’s science!  But it also still looks really fashionable!  It’s just the right length so that it’s not too tight or too loose.  It’s a great conversation starter.  At a friend’s house, they asked “Are those molecules?”  And I said “Yes! It’s caffeine!”.  Lots of fun!

 

And, here’s my daughter modeling something from their Baby collection: the Chemistry Lab Baby Bodysuit.  This is the size 12 months, Ruffled version.  She’s just about 16 months in this photo, but she’s small for her age.  Super cute!

 

 

I’m glad that there are companies like Svaha out there making great clothes with science-related designs, especially for women and girls (but boys can get clothes from them, too!  Plus they sell plenty of unisex shirts that men can wear, too!)

Thanks to Svaha for sending me these clothes!  Glad you make STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, ART!, Math) clothes for everyone!

Where do you find your STEM clothes?  Share your suggestions!

My Breastfeeding Journey, A Follow Up July 9, 2017

(Disclosure:  I link to a product on here that is an Affiliate link. You can read more about my disclosure here)

It seems that all you have to do to get the weaning process really going is to blog about how you’re having trouble getting your toddler to wean.  After my last, VERY LONG blog post about my breastfeeding journey, we started trying a bit harder to get breastfeeding out of our daughter’s routine.  The biggest change was getting up with her when she got up (if it was a reasonable hour in the morning).  In the past, if she woke up and didn’t want to go back to sleep, but it was still slightly too early to get up, I’d just bring her into our bed and I’d nurse her to sleep (and I’d probably doze off a little bit, too).  But now, we started just getting up with her and heading downstairs to eat some “real” food.  Give her some breakfast and her sippy cup of milk.  The evenings were similar, in that we’d just make sure her cup was around, and that we were playing or keeping busy after dinner until bedtime.

We did have a few times where we slipped back into the old routine (a few weekend mornings when we were just NOT ready to get up, or an evening where she was incredibly upset).  But after June 18th she hasn’t nursed at all!  She did “ask” to nurse a few times the week after, when she was especially cranky and tired, but I distracted her away from it.  So she was fully weaned before 17 months.

It’s bittersweet (I loved the cuddling she and I did while she nursed) but she’s still giving some great hugs, and she’s really growing up (as much as a 17 month old is “grown up”).  Lots of personality, lots of babbling, a some recognizable words!

I also wanted to share some feedback/advice that I got from some friends after I posted my last blog post.  Some helpful hints and some insights from my friends (especially about pumping):

• “Outsource” the cleaning of pump parts, i.e. have your spouse/partner take apart the pump parts and clean them for you.  It means one less thing you have to deal with on top of everything else!
• Besides replacing the membranes on your pump (like I mentioned in my post), also keep an eye on your tubing as well, and trim it if it gets too worn.
• Have extras of as many things as possible:  If you can, get a second pump that stays at work so you have one less thing you have to schlep back and forth.  Also, have more than one set of pump parts, so you can pre-pack your pump parts for the next day while the current set dries (I was almost able to fully do that, for some reason, I had almost 2 full sets but was missing one of the flanges).  This same friend also suggested having some Microwave Sterilizer Bags for a quick clean, especially at work.  And that you should make sure you get the flanges that fit properly, even if it means buying more to find the right fit.  Also, consider getting a hand pump as another pumping option.
• A bunch of my friends were able to wean after a few days away from their child (after a business trip).  Taking yourself out of the baby’s life for a few days (if possible or necessary) is apparently enough to get them used to not needing to nurse, in some cases.
• I had friends who did pretty much every variety of feeding their babies:  Exclusively breast feed, exclusively pump, exclusively formula feed, and a combination of any of these (supplement breast milk with formula, wean early and switch to formula).  Some stopped nursing early on, some breastfed even longer than I did!

So glad to get all this feedback and advice from my friends!  I encourage you all to comment on this or my previous post about your feeding experiences, and what advice or resources you’d like to share.

On to the next set of adventures with our little one!

My breastfeeding journey, so far June 3, 2017

I can’t believe it!  My daughter is 16 months old already!  Time really does fly!

I thought I might share my experience with breastfeeding.  If this is something you don’t care to read about, that’s fine.  Plenty of other posts to read!

Warning.  This is a long post.  My journey has been long, and I have lots of thoughts/ideas about how this has gone.

Also, disclosure:  I link to a few products that I found really helpful during my breastfeeding journey.  Some of them link to Amazon, and they are affiliate links.  You can read more about this on my Disclosures page.

Planning ahead

Going into the pregnancy, we had plenty of ideas about what we wanted to do for our daughter.  One of these was breastfeeding.  From most of what I’d heard/read/seen, breastfeeding was highly recommended for a lot of different reasons.  So I wanted to try!  My plan was:  try it and see how it goes.

Before she was born, I tried to learn a bit about how to breastfeed, and what advice was available.  I got connected to a Lactation Consultant through the Employee Assistance Program at work.  I also went to a class that was a free added extra from the childbirth class my husband and I went to (through our hospital).

The Early Days

That being said, I don’t know how much learning you can do ahead of time.  It wasn’t until my daughter was actually born and needed to be fed that I actually got any idea of how to do it.  It was a little tricky in the beginning, because she was born pretty small (5lbs 8 oz) so it was hard to get her to latch.  Luckily, my hospital had plenty of Lactation Consultants available pretty much all the time, and the nurses were also well-educated on all things breastfeeding as well.  They weren’t afraid to get right in and help.  And since I stayed at the hospital for 4 days due to my emergency c-section, my milk started coming in before I left, so the lactation consultants could show me more ways to nurse.  That’s also when they showed me how to use the nipple shield to help get the baby to latch even better.  I’ve definitely seen this recommended to a lot of new nursing moms by our local lactation consultants.  It was very helpful for me, until my daughter got a better hang of things (she stopped needing it after a week or so).  They also helped me get my breast pump by showing me what options were available through my insurance, and showed me how to use the breast pump, which would be very important later on.

I went to a bunch of Baby Cafes (local weekly meet ups with other new moms and lactation consultants), which was very helpful both early on getting the hang of nursing, getting advice, being able to weigh my daughter before and after nursing (to see that she was, in fact, getting milk), then later when I went back to work, to get additional advice about pumping.  (I’ve heard that La Leche League also has similar events like these).  Plus it was great to get me out of the house and interacting with other adults during my maternity leave.

Pretty much my entire maternity leave was lots of nursing.  She ate pretty much around the clock, and, especially early on, NEEDED to.  The pediatrician actually told us to make sure she didn’t go more than 3 hours even at night for the first few weeks to make sure that she got enough to eat.  As time went on, it was okay to let her go a little bit longer at night, but those very first few days, I basically had to set an alarm for a few hours into the future every night all night.  EXHAUSTING.

I also got over my shyness about nursing in front of people pretty quickly.  The first month or so, if I had people visiting, or I was out and about, I used a nursing cover or blanket.  But once I started worrying less about what other people thought, I started not bothering, as it was yet another thing to juggle when trying to get her to nurse.  I also like to think it helped that I did the “double shirt” technique to reduce exposed flesh:  I wore a tank top under a regular shirt, so that I could pull up the top shirt and pull down the tank top to provide nursing access.  Meant less of my chest and belly would be showing!

Back to work, the pumping routine

As I mentioned in my post about maternity leave, I found a few books to be extra helpful for transitioning back to work and getting the pumping thing figured out.  I highly recommend reading the book Work. Pump. Repeat. for figuring out the whole going back to work, pumping at work thing.  What you need to bring, how to navigate the potential awkwardness of dealing with bosses and coworkers when you have to go pump.  One tip I found very useful:  let your boss know ahead of time that you plan on pumping, and word it in the least boob-related way possible, i.e “I will be taking multiple breaks throughout the day so that I can provide food for my baby.”  I was very appreciative of my boss and coworkers being very understanding of what I was doing.  I also made sure to block of time in my work calendar so no one would try to schedule a meeting during my pumping sessions.

Ahead of going back to work, I did start pumping a bit, both to build up a freezer stash as well as to just have milk to get others to feed her with.  I did run into trouble with trying to get her to actually drink from a bottle.  I think I may have started too late with trying a bottle, and it actually was only a few days before I went back to work that she actually started taking the bottle.  I was so anxious that she wouldn’t be able to take a bottle at daycare!  The first time she actually took the bottle was when I sneaked it into her mouth while she was half asleep!  Then she started accepting the bottle while awake.  I had tried so many different bottle/nipple options (and tried leaving the room when my husband and others tried to feed her), and then it turned out that the very simple/cheap slow flow nipples sold by the company that made my pump/bottles worked for her.  This made things way easier, since I could pump directly into the bottles, and send in the matching nipple top.

Things that made my pumping easier (both the actual pumping and the hassles associated with transport/cleaning/etc):

A nice pump bag.  I know it’s not a necessity, but having a nice bag that doesn’t look too strange and can transport all your various equipment (the pump, tubing, flanges, bottles, bags, etc) made things a lot easier.  My first few weeks with just an old bookbag and a huge cooler just made me feel awkward and sad.  So my mother got me a breast pump bag (and wet-dry bag) from Sarah Wells for my first Mother’s Day!  There was a spot to put the pump, and an insulated area to store the pumped milk (with a few reusable cold packs), and plenty of pockets to store everything. And I used the wet-dry bag to store the flanges etc. between pumping sessions so that I didn’t have to wash them after every time.  (I’d read that as long as you wash them once a day, and just store the parts in the fridge between pumping, you should be okay!).  Plus Sarah Wells is often a sponsor at Kelly Mom (an amazing website and great parenting resource, especially for nursing moms), and when she’s a sponsor, she usually has a coupon code!  So we got it at a discount.

Cleaning supplies specifically for your pump stuff and bottles.  You’ll want to have an area at home (or, if necessary, at work) where you can wash and dry your items.  If you’re dealing with a preemie, or a baby that otherwise is more vulnerable to infection, you might also want to buy a sterilizer.  Or, if you’re like me, and a general germophobe, you might want one. I’ve heard some people say that soap and hot water is all you need (and they’re probably right), but I liked knowing things were “extra” clean.  So I washed in soap and water and then used a microwave sterilizer.  Then I dried everything on a drying rack separate from my regular drying.

As time went on, pumping changed for me. In the beginning, I was pumping way more than my daughter drank, but over time, my supply regulated, and she started taking bigger bottles at each feeding. At some point, my supply dropped even more, so I had to try pumping more often to make sure I had enough milk to send in, or try “nursing vacations” (nursing A LOT on the weekends).  This supply change started around 6 months in, which was also around the time we started introducing solids. (Another thing that helped me get my pumping output back up was to replace the membranes on the pump every month) We got into a basic routine during work days: nurse when she wakes up, then I pump while I eat breakfast. Pump once right before lunch at work, then once in the afternoon at work. At home, more nursing, then I pump once more right before I go to bed.  Weekends there was still a lot of nursing, even as she got more and more “real food”.

I kept up this basic pumping schedule for about a year (though I sometimes skipped the morning pumping session). Then at a year, we were able to introduce whole cows milk (which she luckily readily accepted with little coaxing). A little after that, she was transitioned from the infant room to the toddler room at daycare. Unfortunately, due to health regulations, the teachers were not able to give her as many bottles of breast milk as in the toddler room (they have to sit down with her to feed it to her, but there are more kids to watch in the toddler room, and they can’t risk other toddlers grabbing it). They only could really offer up the one bottle if it was right after nap time, when most of the kids are still asleep. So this change pretty quickly meant that I had to stop pumping so much.  I started dropping pumping sessions until it was just one mid-day.  So, just a few days before she turned 13 months, I stopped pumping all together.  I had been tracking my pumping output the whole time, and so at the end, I added it all up.  Over that time, I’d pumped over 18 gallons of breast milk!

How things are going now

My daughter still nurses.  At this point, I think it’s mostly for comfort.  She nurses every morning, and most evenings after work (though, if my husband is home and/or we’re able to distract her, we can get away with skipping the evening nursing).  And sometimes on weekends she’ll be very demanding and want to nurse throughout the day.  I’ve tried to wean her, but she is very persistent about nursing.  I think it helps if we’re out and about, or if other people are around.  Usually when she tries to nurse, I’ll try to offer her regular milk, or a snack, or try to distract her with a toy.  Sometimes it works.  I’ll admit, on days when I’m exhausted and/or she’s upset, it’s just easier to nurse her.  I’ve tried the “don’t offer, don’t refuse” advice for trying to wean, but so far, she’s still demanding it.  My guess is if I we can get her focused on other things often enough, we can get there.

Final Thoughts

I lucked out in a lot of ways when it comes to breastfeeding.  Hearing from others who dealt with mastitis, tongue/lip ties, lack of lactation consultants early on, low milk supply, a poor latch, etc makes me feel pretty lucky.  I also had a pretty supportive network of family and friends, who never made me feel like I was doing the wrong thing.

Being your child’s main (and sometimes only) source of food and comfort can be very stressful.  And it was a bit hard on my husband in the beginning, because she had such a strong preference towards me.  But as she got older, and became less dependent on me for food, she opened up to him more.  Now they have a great relationship!

Breastfeeding took a lot out of me, emotionally and physically.  In fact, the physical impact was quite profound.  I was basically ALWAYS HUNGRY, and would eat huge meals all the time.  Luckily (?) it meant I was able to lose all of my baby weight in less than 6 months, and then the weight still kept dropping (which was a bit scary at times).  Breastfeeding just burns A LOT of calories.   Now that I’m nursing less, I’m not as famished all the time, and my weight has come back up a little bit to a more normal weight.  But my pre-pregnancy clothes are still a bit loose on me.

The whole “breastfeeding is free” mentality annoyed me.  Because I was working a flexible schedule (so grateful for this option), it meant I was basically being paid hourly (rather than working full-time and getting a full salary).  So, pumping twice a day for about a half hour each session basically “cost” me an hour’s salary every day, since I wasn’t really able to put in much longer hours due to daycare schedules and my overall tiredness every day.  Still, I’m glad I was able to do it.

I didn’t think I’d still be breastfeeding at 16 months.  I figured I’d nurse until she was about a year old (based on recommendations from health organizations)  then we’d wean and that would be that.  But as I mentioned above, my daughter is still demanding nursing at times, and I’ve had a hard time refusing.  Hopefully as time goes on, she’ll realize she doesn’t need to nurse to be comforted, and can just snuggle with us.

Thanks for reading through this incredibly long post.  I think this post was more for me than you guys!  If you have any thoughts, questions, or advice, please let me know!

p.s. for a follow up post after I weaned, plus a few extra bits of advice, head over to this post!

Trying out cloth diapers May 9, 2017

As you may have noticed, my blog has taken a turn towards baby topics. The baby (okay, she’s now a 15 month old toddler) is a big focus in my life.

I figure I should let you guys know about a few things we ended up doing, what worked, and what didn’t for us.

One of the many parenting decisions we went through was “cloth vs disposable diapers”.

We had a few reasons we wanted to try out cloth diapers. The idea of throwing away disposable diapers bothered us on both an environmental and financial level. But we also weren’t 100% sure we could keep up with the routine of cloth diapers. Luckily, we had a few friends who had also tried cloth diapers, and they referred us to Diaper Lab in Davis Square. This store offers a few rental programs to try out cloth diapers. Plus they offer classes to prep you for it and other baby care activities.

We opted for their newborn rental program, which allowed us to try out a bunch of different types of cloth diapers, from the cheaper prefolds through to the fanciest all in ones. Also included was a laundry bag, some special detergent, and a wet bag (for storing dirty diapers on the go). We also took their cloth diapering class to help us understand how to use them (diapering, cleaning, etc.)  The rental program was for 3 months, which was just a bit longer than my maternity leave.

We used disposable diapers in the hospital (since they were provided), and that meant we also got to take home all the ones they provided that we didn’t use.  Which was good to have some as backup.  Which was important for me, because as a shiny new mom, my first few nights home, I found trying to do the cloth diapers completely overwhelming. I may or may not have had a meltdown during my first cloth diapering attempt. But we spoke with the folks at diaper labs, and they gave us some pointers on how to make the diapering process easier.  Plus they offered to exchange some of the bigger diapers they gave us for smaller ones, since part of the problem for us was that she was born so small that a lot of cloth diapers were just too big for her!

After getting used to the diapering, as well as the laundering, it wasn’t too difficult.  When we traveled a few weekends to visit family, we brought disposable diapers because the idea of lugging around a weekend’s worth of dirty diapers did not appeal to us.

So, what did we end up doing at the end of the Newborn Rental Program?  We returned all the items, and didn’t end up going forward with cloth diapers.   There were a few reasons:

• I was going back to work.  This meant less time to do the diaper laundry (on top of all the other laundry).  This also meant daycare, and while they told us they’d be fine with cloth, it really was going to make things a lot trickier, including picking up a bag full of soiled diapers every night.
• We knew things would change once she was on solids.  Even though we didn’t introduce solids until around the 6 month mark, we’d heard that things got trickier after that….having to spray the “solids” into the toilet before laundering, etc. etc.  YEAH….that was a lot of extra work
• Overall laziness.  On top of the extra laundry, we just found the disposable diapers easier to deal with, travel with, get onto a squirming child, etc.  Plus it was easier to get family/friends to help with diaper changes since they were all more familiar with disposables.

We definitely were hopeful that cloth would work for us, since, especially if we want to have more kids down the line, we could reuse the cloth diapers, and get more bang for our buck.  I think it was a useful experience, and I’d recommend this type of program if it’s offered in your area (or if you ask a cloth-diapering friend if you could borrow their set of newborn sized cloth diapers).

What have you all done about the cloth vs disposable decision?  What pushed you in one direction vs the other?  Do you have any questions for me on our experience?

[As a note, this is not a sponsored post by Diaper Lab!  They’re just who we went through for this program!]

10 months later November 30, 2016

It’s been 10 months since I gave birth to our daughter (I actually started writing this post at 9 months, to be all cute with the 9-months in, 9-months out thing…but then got too busy to finish!).  A lot has gone on since then.  As I mentioned the last time I posted (months ago) I went back after my 12-week maternity leave.  I was lucky enough to have a boss that is giving me a flexible work schedule which comes in handy when the baby doesn’t want to cooperate in the morning, or when my husband goes on a business trip and I have to cover drop off and pickup at daycare, and also to allow for my pumping sessions at work.  Hopefully once I stop breastfeeding (or at least stop pumping at work), I’ll have a little bit more time.  But again, SO grateful for my flexible schedule.  I know that not everyone has this sort of set up.

The baby, in a word, is AWESOME.  She’s babbling a lot, waving bye-bye to anyone and anything (which seems cruel when saying bye bye to her food right before she eats it).  She’s even been doing some walking!  I’m impressed with her developmental progress.  She’s still not huge (she was born pretty small) but I’m already sentimental for her tinier days!  She’s wearing mostly 6 and 9 month clothes, and can still fit into a few 3-month onesies if she needs to.  But she’s growing, and she’s STRONG!

Other updates for our life:  We bought a house!  You’ll recall, I finally got serious about buying a house at the beginning of last year.  We met our realtor in August 2015. I just checked the date, and we actually closed on our new house exactly one year later, in August 2016.  I should probably post more on our homebuying experience in a separate post, but it was quite the adventure.  Getting outbid on a lot of houses, going to countless open houses, and really trying to figure out what we wanted and needed in a house.  We’re happy with what we finally bought!

I’ve been pretty much NOT exercising since I stopped early on in the pregnancy.  Going back to work meant I wasn’t going on a lot of daytime walks anymore, and I haven’t done much running.  But I have gone on a few jogs with my husband in our new neighborhood, and I actually ran (or okay, jogged) a Turkey Trot/5k last week (the huge Feaster Five).  I didn’t even walk any of it (unless you count the almost-walk I did going up a hill).  I hope to get back into running again, but will really need to find ways to carve out that time.  How do you find the time for exercise?  The lucky(?) thing is that I haven’t “needed” the exercise to lose my pregnancy weight.  It turns out breastfeeding can be an excellent calorie burner.  I’m actually below my pre-pregnancy weight, and have been trying to figure out healthy ways to maintain a healthy weight (perhaps a bit more exercise and a lot more healthy food)?

Well, this is enough of an update for the time being.  Baby’s great, we bought a house and moved, and I’m trying to get back to running.  How have you all been?

 

 

Maternity Leave: Plans vs. Reality April 24, 2016

(Disclosure:  The links to books on this site are Amazon affiliate links.  You can read more about this on my Disclosures page)

I had big plans for my maternity leave.  I was going to read a ton of books!  I was going to use the bread maker every day!  I was going to binge watch Psych!

This wasn’t quite how things went.  My first days after giving birth were quite overwhelming.  I was either sleeping or nursing or eating.  Actually, that pretty much describes most of my maternity leave.  Oh and changing diapers.  Though I didn’t actually change any diapers until we got home from the hospital (husband or nurses did it while we were at the hospital) and I briefly got overwhelmed when I got home when just trying to change diapers.  But more on that in a post about diapers.

I tried to take advantage of “sleep when the baby sleeps” but at the very beginning, she only really fell asleep if you were holding her and then it was tough to put her in her bassinet after she fell asleep.  So, having family around to hold her while I got some sleep came in very handy.

I very much appreciated visits (and food) from family and friends.  Trying to make meals on top of everything else that needed to get done was just not feasible.  And it was nice to be able to socialize.   A few visitors also helped clean the house a bit, since at times trying to tend to dishes and other chores was also overwhelming.

As time went on and it was just me and the baby at home every day (husband was able to take a week off after we came home from the hospital, then my mom stayed with me for a week), the the routine of sleep, nurse, eat, also got a bit of laundry thrown in, and occasionally dishes (I could handle loading and unloading the dishwasher, but doing the big pots and pans was a bit much at times).  And I started making some simple dinners if the baby managed to fall asleep at the right time, or if I could wear her while working in the kitchen.

As for those big plans at the beginning:  I only fully read one book, and read part of three other books.  The book I fully read was recommended to me by a fellow new mom.  I’d recommend this book to other new moms planning to return to work and pump breast milk.  It was Work. Pump. Repeat.  It was very helpful to help me figure out how to get ready for pumping when I went back to work.  The other books I partially read included another book for working mothers, Working Mother Nursing Mother.  It came recommended to me by a few other folks.  I also found it helpful, but didn’t get to finish reading it before going back to work (I still have it and will probably catch bits of it when I can).  I also started reading Your Baby is Speaking to You, which had some fascinating insight on what exactly a baby is up to in those first few weeks.  It helped me understand a bit more the different movements and reactions the baby was having.  The other book I had started reading before the baby was born but I gave up on reading a week or so into maternity leave was The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.  I had put it on hold at the library months earlier but it finally became available a week before I had the baby.  I am in definite need of tidying in my house, but I don’t think I can get through this book any time soon.

I didn’t use the bread machine once.  My husband did use our rice maker to make overnight oatmeal, which was delicious, filling, and easy to do.

Instead of rewatching all of Psych on Netflix, I went ahead and rewatched all of Parks and Recreation.  Totally worth it.  The last few days of maternity leave, I did actually start watching Psych.  Most of my Netflix watching happened when nursing or if the baby was resting but I wasn’t able to fall asleep.

I did manage to get out of the house a decent amount.  In the beginning most trips out of the house were for doctor’s appointments, either mine or the baby’s.  We didn’t leave the house much.  But after the first month, I did try to make the effort to get outside.  I put the baby in the stroller and ran local errands (drug store, library, etc.) or otherwise just explored our neighborhood.  I also met some new moms at the local “Baby Cafe” events.  These are meetings hosted by lactation consultants and other trained professionals for nursing mothers.  It was helpful to get out of the house, meet other mothers and hear about their experiences and what worked/didn’t work for them.  Plus the professionals had plenty of advice and would answer any questions new moms might have.  I went to a few of the ones north of Boston affiliated with the hospital I delivered at, but if you live elsewhere you can find out about Baby Cafes (in the United States) here.  They were started in the UK, so there are quite a few there, but there are also some in a few other countries as well.

I went back to work this past Wednesday.  Unfortunately, my husband had to travel for work starting that same day, so I had to juggle daycare drop off and pickup, and then tend to everything at home.  But luckily I had prepped a huge amount of food before Wednesday so I could just reheat and eat when I had a moment to myself.  But very glad he’s back home!  And I am very grateful to my boss for allowing me to work more flexible hours in order to accommodate my schedule.  So I didn’t have to worry about how I was going to be able to do everything!

I’ll have plenty more to say about being back at work, having my child in daycare all day, and other observations about being a working mother, but for now, that’s a good starting recap for what my maternity leave was like.

How did your maternity leave plans compare to reality?